A simple bouquet.

The first thing in the spring that I was sure to pick for my mom growing up is what we call pussy willows, they are a white fluffy bloom on willow branches that are one of the first bloomage of spring. They are not a flower but they were pretty to me so I made sure to pick a bouquet for my mom and often times my grandmothers as well.

When summer came I loved picking blue bells and purple iris for my aunts, grandmothers and mom. They would smile and say thank you and it made me happy to make them happy. I still feel that way today when I make someone smile, it makes my heart happy. I have been struggling as of late to be my usual happy self. It is a inner battle of self esteem and wondering if “what if.” Then I surely snap out of it thanks to my sister who has been here for me when I needed her the most.

I am confident things will only get better as long as I continue to stay faithful to God and trust and rely on Him. I will teach Duke to admire flowers and pussy willows where they grow instead of picking them. I use a camera to take pictures of the flowers I love and come across because they do the world justice where they grow so beautifully.

Remember when.

I was a very young girl when I saw the first and only RV in Unalakleet. It was next to one of my favorite aunts house. I went inside it once, it was run down, but I imagined what it would have looked like in its prime. It was more of a play RV we made mud pies near.

There was an old garage next to the old house I grew up in. I would watch a robin every summer make her nest in there, the very spot the only hotel is now located. Our neighbor Patricia was so very nice to me. I got to be the baby in the wheel barrel and be pushed around. She had a clubhouse we would play Mickey Mouse clubhouse in. There was a time we made a cardboard with a hole in the middle and sang the same song on the show and popped our heads through the hole and said our names. We tried some of the bizarre snacks they invented on the show as well. She let me play with her amazing Barbi house a few times in her bedroom, this one had the elevator and it was spectacular.

Our parents bought the sugar cubes for their coffee once, I would eat them like they were candy and convinced my neighbor that they were candy and shared sugar cubes.

I made up a game at the playground called Devils Ditch, you had to swing past a person in the ditch and not get pulled down. It was meant to teach kids how to try to avoid traps and that no matter how bad things may seem they will always get better. It’s so fun to remember all the cherished memories I have, there are so many it would take a lifetime.

Some of my favorite memories are of visiting my Papa Johns. He had saved so many beautiful knick knacks from my Great Grandma Gertie. I loved to simply look at them and the picture of the praying man on his wall. I would imagine another picture of an elderly woman praying as well and in college I had the same print and it came with the woman praying too. I loved looking at his doves and listening to them coo. His telephone was a rotary brown phone and I was sure to use it to call home because I loved how it spun back and thought it was amazing. When I graduated at my eighth grade promotion he gave me a JR Bible, I passed that on to my boys and soon Duke will be able to call it his own as well.

I remember when my dad was building our boat in his brothers shop. I got in trouble for watching him weld because the arc is dangerous for the eyes. I ended up being the best fire watch on the boat I worked on during shipyard. I stopped the boat from burning down. They were cutting lines in the factory and Hung Lee cut the wrong pipe, it blew a flame out of it and was going to start a boat fire. I heard “liar, liar” but they were saying fire fire! I was swift and on my feet running to the area of the screams and during my sprint already had the extinguisher pin pulled and ready to go, I was on the wrong side of the machine so I threw the extinguisher to hung lee who was standing there and he extinguished the blaze.

Point of my memories? They are cool and fun to share! Have a nice day!

Long Forgotten

I wrote this in memory of those I grew up with and still think about.

IMG_1025I lay in this box, not a smile on my face, nor a tear in my eye. My heart no longer beats, but I have taken you with me to a special place. The memories you have, I pray brings a smile to your face. Though I am gone and in the years to come I will fade, as a dream long forgotten, remember me as I was. No one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes, but when surrounded by laughter my imperfections had reason. The wind will still blow and the sun still shine. When life is in overdrive and you feel a crash is near, hold the ones closest and embrace what is next with no fear. Fear brings a pain, it may be silent or loud, no soul can fix. If you know who I am and your heart skips a beat, memories may flash, the river start to stream or the light seem dim, all I ask is this, when the sun is aglow and no clouds in sight, take my hand in the wind and walk with your feet in bare and dream of a better tomorrow. For the past is the past as heartache is heartache, but a new day is in sight for new memories to be made.

Give the glory to God

IMG_6477Imagine, your whole life, and having the ability to remember any memory you have. Now, it goes further, imagine every dream you’ve ever had and they are stored away with the ability to remember them. Why is it that when people die their whole life flashes before them? Some die and some come back. I thought everyone had a good memory and that people dream dreams. I’m 34 and remember my whole life. I kept journals and pictures and videos of my life because one of my biggest fears is that I will forget, when I don’t forget anything. I talked with my older sister and she said that it is nothing special to have a good memory. That was a lie because my memories make me, me. Without them I wouldn’t be able to draw back on experiences to help guide me. I spent a lot of time trying to wash my memories away after my two older sons left Alaska. I tried to forget everything through alcohol and weed. I was a stoner to the max and my brain is healing from my actions. I have a severe problem of acting on sheer emotion and I pray I can heal and be the patient loving woman God knows I can be. I pray for my brain to heal and I believe that connections skewed or lost can be reconnected and repaired through love and by reading the Word, God’s word, but also, write your love letters to Him. There is beauty and healing when we give all the glory to God. One of my mentors growing up thanked Facebook for a memory once and it made me mad because Facebook doesn’t deserve thanks, only God does. I left Facebook for the year 2018, but I still needed an outlet to get hope and love out in the World Wide Web, hence WordPress. Share your story, write that poem on your heart, give that compliment to that stranger or simply give a smile freely without any expectation of anything in return and always always give All the Glory to God, for He deserves it and Him alone. Amen.