Prayer week Alaska

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Have you ever been driving down the street and stop to let an ambulance pass? First thought? I lift up the people being tended to in prayer, I pray for the EMTs going to the crisis. Do not for one second, doubt the power of prayer. Each and every single prayer makes a difference in this chaos we call life. Where two or more are in agreement, He is there! Do you ever meet a stranger through a simple hello? Not knowing a single detail about their life, do you lift up their life in prayer? Always ending in “Your will be done?” A few months ago I saw something beautiful, not in person, but online. It was a picture of one million children in India praying for world peace. It touched my heart, what would your reaction be? I joined them in prayer. The children took the initiative to pray for sometime that this world desperately needs. This is prayer week for Alaska and He will hear our prayers. A chain link of seven for each day of the week. We lift each other up in prayer and believe it makes a difference because it truly does. Amen!

When a birch tree blushes at you, do you blush back?

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When you thank God every single day, He will hear you. Each and every single day I find so many things to be thankful for! My favorite form of thanks comes very naturally, I look at the trees against the sky, or the snow and examine how intricate each snowflake is, always remembering each and every single one is unique and different. Absorbing all His beauty it literally puts a smile on my face and makes me blush, God is that awesome! I hear Duke say “thank you Jesus, Amen” sporadically throughout the day and agree with him. I cherish the meals my sister prepares for us so lovingly. I share the stories I write with my Mom over the phone and love to hear her laugh! I get to feel so very happy every single day and when I get frustrated it doesn’t take long to no longer feel that way after a simple prayer. I am so excited for church because we can actually go now! I’m excited for fellowship because when that wholesome feeling in your being is shared with so many people it is truly amazing. I hope no matter the struggles you go through in life, you can still smile at the end of the day because you made it through the day!

 

When a soul is at stake.

I once had a dream in High School. Jesus was in the form of a cloud sweeping over the earth. Picking up the select for the rapture. I raised my hand and was being raised, then when my relief was gone I could not continue, I was let gently back down. In my heart I was willing to give up my spot for someone so wicked on this earth that they did not want Jesus. My spot was willingly given to someone who refused to be saved and I did not understand. If all that were chosen were willing to stay to help the lost, that is what I felt was my calling. A feeble mind will pray for the rapture to come sooner than later for they do not understand the souls at stake and lack compassion. The passion of the Christ is the willing select ready to give up what is promised to them for the evil of the evils of this earth and in doing so rid the earth of the most wicked so that others may have a chance at receiving grace and love that is Jesus. When a soul is lost all of the heavens weep, when a soul is found, all of the heavens rejoice. So let us rejoice and be glad in Him. Hope will never be lost.

A look can change an outlook.

Recently my aunt Jean prayed for the spirit of poverty and the spirit of authority to leave me. I love to pray with my aunt. She is a warrior. She had made tacos and it was the first time Duke and I were around people besides on Thanksgiving for three long months. I got the cabin fever really bad. She asked me to pray and I stood up straight and I was going to pray really good in my mind so I took a deep breath in and exhaled and started “Dear heavenly Fadder” the words slipped up at father and we both started laughing and giggling I had only been around my two year old and was fumbling my words for a serious prayer and of course my Aunt finished the prayer and we ate the most delicious tacos. Her daughter was one of the classmates our class lost and I know she is in a far better place. Her very own daughter led her to Jesus and my Aunt was my first youth pastor who’s ministry led me to fully accept Jesus. Jesus is awesome!

I had to beg my mom not to sue the Covenant Church. The summer of my junior year I met the woodcutters son while at Vision Camp. This was when I was a babysitter and I was smitten. His dad took his son to keep him out of trouble but trouble will follow the troubled. He said it wouldn’t count and I told him I was saving my virginity for marriage. He said I could still save it and that he wouldn’t go in. I believed him. That happened twice at Bible Camp and I knew I failed in my vows so it happened a third time at the old house I grew up in and we used a condom. I gave him my virginity and I became pregnant.

This woodcutters son had already knocked up a girl in Minnesota where he was from and she had an abortion. He asked me to do the same. That is against what I believe in so I would never be able to do that. I fell in love with my son a couple years back up at our cabin when I picked out his name with my brothers and sisters. I started praying for my future children and future husband in the ninth grade.

After I found out I was pregnant I left the village to go babysit for my cousin who was going to nursing school. I didn’t want to be the topic of gossip in the town. I went to a retreat that fall in Talkeetna and my old basketball coach and his wife took me for a walk. They wanted to know if it was true, did I get knocked up at Bible camp? Yes, and without hearing anything other than that my youth pastor and teacher gave me a look of disgust that shattered my spirit. I felt that I was no longer good enough to serve my God. He walked away in anger and his wife followed him. This same pastor told me this past November that I cannot rely on faith alone. I replied that it is only by faith that has got me this far in life. Because although I wasn’t good enough for man in man’s eyes, I’ve been serving the Lord my whole life, through every day acts of kindness and love. I’ve been a Children’s Minister my whole life and I didn’t know it, by spreading hope to those who felt hopeless and showing love where no one was shown love. I may have led a sinful life because I was following my way but I was making differences in the lives of the people I partied with and got to know. The lows of the lows who in my eyes have the heart and have the faith. Maybe they were just made to beleive that in the eyes of man they were not good enough. We are all good enough and the devil will use to weak to destroy the spirit of a child. Jesus is the one who heals and forgives. He laid out my life before the time of creation, He chose me to be His child of God and no man will ever tell me otherwise, for by faith and faith alone I have been carried by Jesus through my struggles and hardships and to cast judgment on others is a sin. But how dare anyone make me doubt my faith because my faith is what keeps me alive and it’s what keeps me breathing. Without Jesus in my life I would drop dead and cease to exist. Jesus doesn’t need me I need Jesus and it has always been that way. But there is so much darkness in the world that He is calling his warriors to stand up and rise and to spread hope and love. Consuming light. Be a candle, then be a lamppost, then be a lighthouse and soon darkness will cease to exist. Walk in faith and remain steadfast. Love and be Love. only look to Jesus for the way of man is weakness and when your weakness isn’t given to God or you do not use Jesus for strength than that is not Jesus for Mans way is not Jesus way. The rules to be followed in life are the rules of Jesus and He wants us to Love Him and God above all. Do that and all else will follow. Amen.

My young Grandma

Last month I had a dream of my Grandma Pat and her sister Mae. They were so young and playing and laughing and it was pure love the way they giggled with each other.

When my Gram found out her husband cheated on her she told him “you can have anyone you want just leave my sister Mae alone or I will kill you” as soon as my Gram said that he went marching over to Mae’s. My Grandma followed him with a shot gun. He was going to rape his wife’s little sister and she shot him. It was thought to have been out of jealousy but it was protecting her little sister she did love.

Last month my great auntie Mae was on her death bed. I had to go share with her the dream I had. She was at the Native hospital and I was able to go say my goodbyes. I sang to her not caring that my voice wasn’t the best I sang from the heart. I told her my dream and I prayed for reconciliation between two sisters who I know loved each other still. The family was having a hard time finding people to stay at her bedside. I volunteered but her granddaughter had ill feelings toward me and said not to let me be with her. That is her decision she made for her dying grandmother and she will have to answer to God. Just like we all will have to answer to God when we die.

I left and made it back to isolation in the form of our cabin. My Aunt who was there and my mom who was with my Grandma in Unalakleet were texting each other through their daughters. My Gram asked for forgiveness from her sister for what happened years and years, a lifetime ago. She forgave her. They never spoke to each other their whole lives based on an act that was misunderstood. My Gram payed for her actions and did 10 years, all the while her children were abused by her own mother. To the point of the use of a bullwhip slashed and scarred the backs of my mom and her younger brothers. My great uncle Duke found out what was happening at Egavik and he built the biggest bonfire my mom had ever seen. He told his mom if she ever abused her grandchildren again that he would kill her and he made her burn the bullwhip she used to beat her grandkids in the bonfire. She was to stay at the bonfire till it went out. My Great grandmother had a hard life of her own and the further you go back the harder life was. She found Jesus and lived a good elderly life. My sister led my Grandma Pat to Jesus and she has Him in her heart. You see the love for my family extends to their family and so on and so on. Because that is what we are asked to do, above all Love God and all else will follow. It is never too late to accept Jesus as the Lord and personal Savior of your life. He loves you! Of course He wants you and He wants to forgive you. A hard life is made beautiful through Jesus and the more people who find Jesus the more beautiful the world becomes. Love and be love.

Three dollars

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Last November I recieved my first order for slippers. A daughter wanted me to make her mother a pair of seal skin slippers. I told her I would do my best. I do the prayer stitch, literally emitting good prayers and love into the things I make. Good thoughts, good vibes and always made out of love. She worked at the Native hospital and I was going to meet her there. The price was set at 120.00 and when I got to the hospital I had some gas money about 15 dollars. I was waiting in the main lobby and I seen the look I was all to familiar with. A mom followed by her son, pauses near the lobby, she looked at her palm and counted her change and her son looked like he wanted something. I felt my heart sink when she put the change back in her pocket, she didn’t have enough to get her boy something. They started to the stairwell and I just had to give the son some money. I knew a dollar wouldn’t be enough because the vending machines were at least 1.50. I know this hospital well because Duke spent his first 40 days of life in the NICU. I pulled some ones out it was three dollars and I ran after them with the slippers in my hands that I was going to sell. They were almost too far gone up the stairwell when I yelled “hey!” They both turned around and I said to the mom “this is for your son.” She took the small amount of money and smiled and he smiled and I smiled. They were from the YK Delta area. Then I turned around and saw the daughter who was going to buy the slippers I made for her mom. I gave her a hug because I was very proud of her for getting her mother something special. She told me I was very different in person than what she had seen on my posts when I was involved with Facebook, which I gave up for this year. I told her about the slippers and made sure to tell her they were made out of love. Simple acts of kindness, spreading smiles, every day acts of impact that change the hearts of our future leaders. When you follow your heart, and that heart has Jesus, you can make a difference in this world. If it is one smile, you made a difference. Bless and be blessed.

The purple unicorn

When I was a very little girl I remember my first kite. It was purple with a unicorn on it and it had a string of bows attached to it. I was very proud to have my very own kite so I took it down below the old house near the lake. This was when my Grandma Johnsons house was yellow. I was flying it and I wanted it to go the highest so I kept letting string out. Soon there was no string ┬áto give and I panicked. Then it happened, a gust of wind took my new kite away. The first time I flew it, it was gone. I wanted to cry and throw a fit but instead I watched it for as long as I could see it. I imagined it would travel the world and I no longer felt sad. Since that day I always hope for the best in each situation. While a lot of people have taught me goodness, I taught a lot of lessons to myself so young just by using my imagination. Now it’s hard not to let my imagination get the best of me. That same year I cut myself on the wrist on accident. I was bouncing on a stack of plywood. There were nails sticking up on the top area of the boards. I hopped and slipped and yelled and screamed and cried. My left wrist caught the nail and dragged down being stuck deeper and deeper on the nail. My mom heard my screams and she picked me up and ran carrying me to the old house and called the healthaide. This was when the clinic was stationed where the NVU is now. I passed out probably due to loss of blood. They stopped the bleeding and stitched up my wrist. I was a very young girl. I had to stay inside for awhile after that happened and I missed the outdoors, so one morning I decided to make a run for it just so I could play out. I had my favorite deer nightgown on and a pair of tights and I ran to go play out. My mom yelled at me and stopped me in my tracks. I walked back very sad because I knew I had to listen to my mom. There were times if I didn’t listen she would dicipline us. If we cursed, our mouth would get a bar of soap in it, so we did not curse. If my older sister and I were not getting along, we had to spend that day in a big shirt together. I always wanted to be my older sisters friend. I would try my hardest to follow her wherever she went. She was playing with my older cousins when they put a house that was going to be my cousins Bev’s new house in front of the old house. I watched them pound rocks in front of me. I was not understanding why. Then she took some dust and blew it in my eyes. They ran as fast as they could trying to ditch the tag along little sister. Dust in my eye did not stop me from chasing my sister. I just wanted to be a part of the fun. They ran and hid under a staircase at the district office. I found them and then they were mean to me so I went home and tried to crush up my own rocks. The ones I chose to crush up were white and they did not make the dust I needed to get back at my sister and cousins. So I ditched my efforts of revenge and from then on decided not to seek revenge on people just to tell on people who hurt me. My sister got in trouble because I told my mom what she did. See, when I was so young I was becoming the Gertie who is the same Gertie today, but the world devoured me and chewed me and spit me up. That did not change the inner me, but walls were erected as a means to protect myself. When I accepted Jesus those walls were torn down. My foundations of me are foundations of love before and while I invited Jesus into my heart. My brain became more understanding and I saw the world through a forgiving heart. The president of NVU is stepping down from his position willingly. He is forgiven by Jesus because Jesus forgives everyone if they have Him in their heart and to me that is a beautiful thing. You cannot judge people for their mistakes, because everyone makes mistakes. When you accept Jesus into your heart, He forgives you. Without this, when you die your soul will go to hades down below. It is a serious eternal decision and your soul depends on that one factor. Do you have Jesus in your heart?

Happiness is not found in a bottle.

The dangers of antidepressants are well known to me. I know they reveal memories to those who are not ready to remember them. God reveals childhood memories that are blocked when it’s time to heal. The chemical interaction in the brain with serotonin that is not natural, is a mimicked happiness that is false. That happiness is found only through Jesus. So, with antidepressants, suicide will be far more prevalent. Man cannot recreate the joy and love of being saved eternally. Depression occurs when a person 1. Doesn’t know Jesus and doesn’t accept Him in their Heart 2. If you have Jesus already and you are depressed it’s because you are following your own selfish desires and not the will of God. The will of God is so simple to understand for me: Love. Above all Love God.

I tried three different antidepressants and the last gave me the inability to cry while on them. Crying is a natural emotion of life that is not meant to be taken away. Tears should never be taken for granted. If you are depressed and on antidepressants it is very important not to stop them suddenly. That is far dangerous than you might think. It will cause a psychotic break that makes the mind feel lost beyond control.

Sometimes it’s hard to be happy in the world that exists today, but each individual is tasked to live the best life they can and the best life is a life with Christ. A life without Jesus is a life of death, purpose is found in Jesus and your heart transforms when you accept Him. It is so very simple to invite Him into your heart.

Dear God,

Thank you for sending your one and only son Jesus Christ, the messiah, Yessuah, the one and only perfect man to walk the earth. Your perfect gift who died for each and every single one of us to wash away our sins and the evil in the world. I willingly accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and personal Savior. This leap of faith of inviting Christ into my heart I pray to you.

Amen

If you said this prayer with your heart I give all the glory to God. You are now a child of God and it will take learning through the Bible. Start with the New Testament and every answer to every question in life is found in the Bible, one only needs to look.

My Mother’s Love

IMG_0492I’ve been hurt the most by the people I loved the most, I try to love everyone the same but that causes so much hurt. I choose everyday to replace that hurt with hope and that is only through Jesus. Because Jesus is my hope and the number one love of my life. Without Him, I would cease to exist. My mom has taught me love, just as your mother has taught you love. I begged my mom while she was alive, to stay alive after her seventh attempt at suicide. She is an alcoholic and alcohol is a tool of the evil one. It affects the entire body except the cochlea. When you drink you are physically pushing out the Holy Spirit. Just as when you smoke weed, the frontal lobe of the brain ceases to function. This is the part of the brain that makes decisions. I was delivered from Alcohol this past November and I was delivered from weed on Christmas Day. It took a lifetime for me to realize I love my life in Christ and any other life is literally death. My mom attempted to stab me and slashed the back of my coat seven times. She came after me with a rifle to shoot me and I restrained her. She was in and out of my life growing up. All this because she was under the influence of alcohol. She can run fast and she is running from her past. Her life was far harder than the life I have had. As a young girl she was raped by a family member. She ran and ran and ran till her little legs gave out beneath her. She cried oh she cried. She saw Jesus Himself that day. He appeared to her. His love for her will never cease. She won’t talk about it. It is beautiful her soul. I will never give up on her and I will give her her hearts desire which is her very own home. I will give that to her if I have to build it with my bare hands. She is still a alcoholic and homeless in my village. I pray and talk to her every day. It was God Himself who told her in a dream that the only way her children will be safe is to dedicate them to God. When her children suffer her heart suffers, that is what she means when she says she wishes she never gave birth to us. It hurts her heart to see us grow up in poverty, but we are humble hearts willing to serve others because we know hard work. That was our lot in life, but we are far blessed beyond measure for we have the heart of our mother who’s heart was touched by Jesus Himself. The one unforgivable sin and there is only one is blasphemy of the Holy Spirit. So I do not doubt in the works of our Father for that is unforgivable. I forgive my mom so easily because she is my heart just as Jesus is. Her ways are sinful because she may know Jesus but hasn’t fully accepted Him into her heart. The ways of the world destroy the heart of the innocent and those are the deeds of the evil one who doesn’t deserve any recognition for I do not fear anything other than God Himself. Every single day I subconsciously put on the armor of God, I was always willing to go to battle I just never felt the need to till now. My weapon is love and it is understanding of love that is powerful through Christ. I am the weakest soul but I draw my strength only from Jesus and through Him all things are possible. God is willing to lend his ear to all but He listens to those who don’t ever stop loving Him through trials and tribulations. In order to love Him fully you need to understand love. So when I say love and be beloved, it’s as simple as that.

9/10 but the odds will always be in our favor.

IMG_6990The statistics aren’t favorable when we look at sheer numbers. 9 out of 10 people in this world do not know Jesus. All the more opportunity to continue that what others before us were so passionate about and that is being an example of love, extending that love to everyone and allowing those people to choose for themselves to make Jesus a part of their heart. It is all out of love and not fear where He truly shines. I met a young man from down south from the Georgia straight area of America back when I was a host for my ex husbands company. I would put together BBQs and we would invite his friends over. We were out back on the small deck grilling and Jesus became a part of the conversation. One of the young men was an atheist, the gentleman from down south was a Christian and I was an Eskimo with a different view of God and Jesus. I simply told them that the way I see it is so very simple. God sent Jesus to be a gift (sacrifice) to all man kind and we are forgiven of past, present and future sins. Our main goal is to be love. When Jesus is welcomed into the heart of a man, it’s Jesus who gets a perspective of this world through your heart because He became a part of it. The southern drawl on this lad was super cool to me. He looked at me and smiled and exclaimed “not once have I ever had a conversation about Jesus that didn’t end in a fist fight until now.” I was taken back not understanding what he meant. Apparently religion, which is not the same as being saved, is preached down south. To the point where people are fighting to be correct about Jesus who is nothing but love. It didn’t make sense to me. The rest of the BBQ went great. Bellies were made full right along with the heart and who can be happier than to feel a good love in both the body and the soul. I love to meet new people because when I hear stories from others it only broadens my horizons so that we can make way for a new Verizon. The world is being consumed by darkness but it is going to stop. When the light that we have in our hearts shines in unison it is brighter than the morning star. Only because it is the morning star emplified. Hope is not lost, it never will be. Love and be beloved.