Happiness is not found in a bottle.

The dangers of antidepressants are well known to me. I know they reveal memories to those who are not ready to remember them. God reveals childhood memories that are blocked when it’s time to heal. The chemical interaction in the brain with serotonin that is not natural, is a mimicked happiness that is false. That happiness is found only through Jesus. So, with antidepressants, suicide will be far more prevalent. Man cannot recreate the joy and love of being saved eternally. Depression occurs when a person 1. Doesn’t know Jesus and doesn’t accept Him in their Heart 2. If you have Jesus already and you are depressed it’s because you are following your own selfish desires and not the will of God. The will of God is so simple to understand for me: Love. Above all Love God.

I tried three different antidepressants and the last gave me the inability to cry while on them. Crying is a natural emotion of life that is not meant to be taken away. Tears should never be taken for granted. If you are depressed and on antidepressants it is very important not to stop them suddenly. That is far dangerous than you might think. It will cause a psychotic break that makes the mind feel lost beyond control.

Sometimes it’s hard to be happy in the world that exists today, but each individual is tasked to live the best life they can and the best life is a life with Christ. A life without Jesus is a life of death, purpose is found in Jesus and your heart transforms when you accept Him. It is so very simple to invite Him into your heart.

Dear God,

Thank you for sending your one and only son Jesus Christ, the messiah, Yessuah, the one and only perfect man to walk the earth. Your perfect gift who died for each and every single one of us to wash away our sins and the evil in the world. I willingly accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and personal Savior. This leap of faith of inviting Christ into my heart I pray to you.

Amen

If you said this prayer with your heart I give all the glory to God. You are now a child of God and it will take learning through the Bible. Start with the New Testament and every answer to every question in life is found in the Bible, one only needs to look.

My Mother’s Love

IMG_0492I’ve been hurt the most by the people I loved the most, I try to love everyone the same but that causes so much hurt. I choose everyday to replace that hurt with hope and that is only through Jesus. Because Jesus is my hope and the number one love of my life. Without Him, I would cease to exist. My mom has taught me love, just as your mother has taught you love. I begged my mom while she was alive, to stay alive after her seventh attempt at suicide. She is an alcoholic and alcohol is a tool of the evil one. It affects the entire body except the cochlea. When you drink you are physically pushing out the Holy Spirit. Just as when you smoke weed, the frontal lobe of the brain ceases to function. This is the part of the brain that makes decisions. I was delivered from Alcohol this past November and I was delivered from weed on Christmas Day. It took a lifetime for me to realize I love my life in Christ and any other life is literally death. My mom attempted to stab me and slashed the back of my coat seven times. She came after me with a rifle to shoot me and I restrained her. She was in and out of my life growing up. All this because she was under the influence of alcohol. She can run fast and she is running from her past. Her life was far harder than the life I have had. As a young girl she was raped by a family member. She ran and ran and ran till her little legs gave out beneath her. She cried oh she cried. She saw Jesus Himself that day. He appeared to her. His love for her will never cease. She won’t talk about it. It is beautiful her soul. I will never give up on her and I will give her her hearts desire which is her very own home. I will give that to her if I have to build it with my bare hands. She is still a alcoholic and homeless in my village. I pray and talk to her every day. It was God Himself who told her in a dream that the only way her children will be safe is to dedicate them to God. When her children suffer her heart suffers, that is what she means when she says she wishes she never gave birth to us. It hurts her heart to see us grow up in poverty, but we are humble hearts willing to serve others because we know hard work. That was our lot in life, but we are far blessed beyond measure for we have the heart of our mother who’s heart was touched by Jesus Himself. The one unforgivable sin and there is only one is blasphemy of the Holy Spirit. So I do not doubt in the works of our Father for that is unforgivable. I forgive my mom so easily because she is my heart just as Jesus is. Her ways are sinful because she may know Jesus but hasn’t fully accepted Him into her heart. The ways of the world destroy the heart of the innocent and those are the deeds of the evil one who doesn’t deserve any recognition for I do not fear anything other than God Himself. Every single day I subconsciously put on the armor of God, I was always willing to go to battle I just never felt the need to till now. My weapon is love and it is understanding of love that is powerful through Christ. I am the weakest soul but I draw my strength only from Jesus and through Him all things are possible. God is willing to lend his ear to all but He listens to those who don’t ever stop loving Him through trials and tribulations. In order to love Him fully you need to understand love. So when I say love and be beloved, it’s as simple as that.

Sweet song of a chickadee.

I spent every other weekend in High School traveling to a different village. Our sports teams use our School Districts personal plane for travel. I enjoyed traveling to different villages and always met wonderful people. A lot of natives have a certain addiction to soda pop. There was a basketball tournament in Tanana, Alaska and the classroom our team was staying in had a livestream video from the gymnasium. I was trying my best to make impossible shots from way beyond the three point line. Shots I’ve seen one of my favorite basketball players from an adult tournament in Unalakleet called the jamboree make in game winning manner. I had a lot of favorite players and loved to observe each one. I was thirsty so I went to the soda pop machine and bought one Hawaiian Punch and one Sprite. I didn’t know that my team was watching me through the video footage and they witnessss me drink both cans back to back thinking they were both soda pops. Unhealthy I am sure but what happened next was a fiasco. The senior girls, which most except my cousin, were mean willed toward me, played a prank on me. They put a sign on the soda pop machine and it said “if you see Gertie Johnson with a soda in her hand take it away. She is not allowed to have pop.” It was a cause for concern because some adults thought I was a severe diabetic or something having to do with health issues. I laughed it off and let my one senior friend take a picture of me next to the Gertie sign. It was made very clear who Gertie was but the reasoning behind a simple joke was unfounded. Certain aspects where I failed in my values are where I struggle most. But where I struggle and through my struggles Jesus has a plan. Not just for me, for every single one of you. We are tasked to be beaming rays of love, so consuming everyone wants it and they ask about it and in turn accept the love of Jesus. God does the work, we are simply the workers. We get what we give out as far as matters of the heart go. We go through what we are capable of, so if you had a very tough upbringing or your adult life has more rough patches than you can count, God has a plan for you beyond great measure. A testimony is the life you lived before you were saved, the life while saved and every struggle had reason. When my brother commited suicide I ran into the woods and fell to my knees crying. It’s as if my tears were melting the snow around me. I was yelling and screaming “why” why why why. My heart could not take it. Then I heard it clear as day “only God knows why” I was tasked to not ask questions I’m not going to get the answers to. So I stopped asking why. Then the chickadees came and surrounded me and sang a beautiful song. I knew I had to be strong. My family would need me as much as I need them. He is a constant on my mind, how can he not be. But I remember him in love, the same love I miss my older sons with while they are at school in Ohio. Don’t give up on your story, make it beautiful through Christ because that is the only happy ending. God has a plan for you. The baby I begged for to fill a void in my heart is my son Duke. Love and be beloved. IMG_3813

Where the white fern grew.

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Where the white fern grew.
One of my favorite things to gather in the spring are fiddleheads. Those are the unfurled ferns of the forest. It is important to blanch the fiddleheads before consumption because a natural toxin is removed through this process. The taste is reminiscent of asparagus and the nutrient value is very good. Bears will overindulge sometimes on this raw green and in turn die. When the fiddlehead unfurls it becomes a fern free to dance and sway in the wind with no worries of being plucked because the fern itself is inedible. I love to sauté the fiddleheads after being blanched. I use butter and garlic salt. I started pickling some and I found my new favorite way to store them for winter. This past fall Duke and I found this white fern. I was in astonishment. It’s season was over and winter was around the corner so I plucked it and kept it until it faded into brown. This was the only white fern I have ever seen. I was amazed and always will be thankful to God for all of His creations.

9/10 but the odds will always be in our favor.

IMG_6990The statistics aren’t favorable when we look at sheer numbers. 9 out of 10 people in this world do not know Jesus. All the more opportunity to continue that what others before us were so passionate about and that is being an example of love, extending that love to everyone and allowing those people to choose for themselves to make Jesus a part of their heart. It is all out of love and not fear where He truly shines. I met a young man from down south from the Georgia straight area of America back when I was a host for my ex husbands company. I would put together BBQs and we would invite his friends over. We were out back on the small deck grilling and Jesus became a part of the conversation. One of the young men was an atheist, the gentleman from down south was a Christian and I was an Eskimo with a different view of God and Jesus. I simply told them that the way I see it is so very simple. God sent Jesus to be a gift (sacrifice) to all man kind and we are forgiven of past, present and future sins. Our main goal is to be love. When Jesus is welcomed into the heart of a man, it’s Jesus who gets a perspective of this world through your heart because He became a part of it. The southern drawl on this lad was super cool to me. He looked at me and smiled and exclaimed “not once have I ever had a conversation about Jesus that didn’t end in a fist fight until now.” I was taken back not understanding what he meant. Apparently religion, which is not the same as being saved, is preached down south. To the point where people are fighting to be correct about Jesus who is nothing but love. It didn’t make sense to me. The rest of the BBQ went great. Bellies were made full right along with the heart and who can be happier than to feel a good love in both the body and the soul. I love to meet new people because when I hear stories from others it only broadens my horizons so that we can make way for a new Verizon. The world is being consumed by darkness but it is going to stop. When the light that we have in our hearts shines in unison it is brighter than the morning star. Only because it is the morning star emplified. Hope is not lost, it never will be. Love and be beloved.