Cabbie talk Alaska.

I had an interesting conversation with a wonderful cab driver a week ago. It was a lot about spreading hope. Duke and I took a cab from the cabin where we lived alone, with the exception of a week here or there every other month, to Palmer where we would be safe. It was $130 dollar cab but I didn’t have any options at the time. The shelter paid for $30 and that helped a lot. I didn’t know what was going on in this world with all the gun violence. I wrote last month about changing ammunition from lethal to tranquil, but the driver brought up very good points that allowed me to change my perspective. He said if a person wants to kill, it doesn’t matter the method, he will find a way to kill. From fertilizer to a bullet, he will find a way. It isn’t changing the dynamics of the situation, it is changing the hearts of the people of this world. When our hearts change, the mind changes. There is only hope through Jesus, that we both agreed. Where there is a will, there is a way. There will always be hope. Hope will endure the ages because Jesus will endure forever and ever amen.

Remember when.

I was a very young girl when I saw the first and only RV in Unalakleet. It was next to one of my favorite aunts house. I went inside it once, it was run down, but I imagined what it would have looked like in its prime. It was more of a play RV we made mud pies near.

There was an old garage next to the old house I grew up in. I would watch a robin every summer make her nest in there, the very spot the only hotel is now located. Our neighbor Patricia was so very nice to me. I got to be the baby in the wheel barrel and be pushed around. She had a clubhouse we would play Mickey Mouse clubhouse in. There was a time we made a cardboard with a hole in the middle and sang the same song on the show and popped our heads through the hole and said our names. We tried some of the bizarre snacks they invented on the show as well. She let me play with her amazing Barbi house a few times in her bedroom, this one had the elevator and it was spectacular.

Our parents bought the sugar cubes for their coffee once, I would eat them like they were candy and convinced my neighbor that they were candy and shared sugar cubes.

I made up a game at the playground called Devils Ditch, you had to swing past a person in the ditch and not get pulled down. It was meant to teach kids how to try to avoid traps and that no matter how bad things may seem they will always get better. It’s so fun to remember all the cherished memories I have, there are so many it would take a lifetime.

Some of my favorite memories are of visiting my Papa Johns. He had saved so many beautiful knick knacks from my Great Grandma Gertie. I loved to simply look at them and the picture of the praying man on his wall. I would imagine another picture of an elderly woman praying as well and in college I had the same print and it came with the woman praying too. I loved looking at his doves and listening to them coo. His telephone was a rotisserie brown phone and I was sure to use it to call home because I loved how it spun back and thought it was amazing. When I graduated at my eighth grade promotion he gave me a JR Bible, I passed that on to my boys and soon Duke will be able to call it his own as well.

I remember when my dad was building our boat in his brothers shop. I got in trouble for watching him weld because the arc is dangerous for the eyes. I ended up being the best fire watch on the boat I worked on during shipyard. I stopped the boat from burning down. They were cutting lines in the factory and Hung Lee cut the wrong pipe, it blew a flame out of it and was going to start a boat fire. I heard “liar, liar” but they were saying fire fire! I was swift and on my feet running to the area of the screams and during my sprint already had the extinguisher pin pulled and ready to go, I was on the wrong side of the machine so I threw the extinguisher to hung lee who was standing there and he extinguished the blaze.

Point of my memories? They are cool and fun to share! Have a nice day!

A leap of faith.

Last night was my first time in a woman’s shelter. The staff and the women treated Duke and I with respect and dignity. I got all the necessary paperwork I needed to file for child support and much needed assistance. I’ve always refused help my whole life or usually took the hard route rather than receiving help. My perspective has changed drastically in 24 hours. I am grateful for help. I am thankful for God to have paved a way in my most dire moment in life.

In less than 24 hours we have our own home now. I am beyond excited and beyond ecstatic for our new life back in civilization! Living in isolation and oppression lifted a veil and because of my faith and putting my hope in Jesus my life is on a far better path. Instead of being in the depths of despair and oppression we are truly free at last. I want to shout free at last free at last thank God we are free at last.

If you kept Duke and I in your prayers we are truly appreciative! God will only continue to work wonders in our lives and I pray yours as well. Never loose faith, never loose hope and never loose your smile!

Emotional Abuse is abuse.. get out!

I decided for myself to no longer be with an emotionally abusive person. I was made to believe that I was the one doing the abuse when, in fact, my behavior is a cry for help. I was told if I broke up with my boyfriend that “he would kill himself.” That statement alone is an abusers way of keeping a vulnerable person at bay. I have been seeking self help regiments to better my quality of life, for myself. This could only do so much. I have money saved up to leave, but no running vehicle to do so. He did hit me once this past year, he said it was unintentional and that he woke up from a sleep and it was instinct. When someone uses their financial advantage against say, a stay at home Mom, such as myself, that is abuse. I was willing to leave the first time he hit me. He was the first man in my life to lay hands on me. I don’t stand for any type of abuse, I never have. Granted I did make my own mistakes in this relationship I should not be forced to live in shame for the rest of my life, that is why I admitted to my mistakes, so I would no longer be ashamed. Living in my own shame almost led to suicide, something I’ve been against my whole life. I only ask for prayers for this endeavor of leaving an abusive partner. I believe in the power of prayer and the first step is leaving the situation. I have until the next week to leave, where there is a will there is a way and I pray for God to provide a way. Amen.

Axel Constantine Johnson

My brother was a poet. He was more than just that, he was saved through Jesus Christ. There was an understanding between my brother and I, we shared the same goofy humor, we both understood love. That understanding is easy to comprehend. It is that Jesus, above all, is love. It is understanding grace and mercy, gifts from Jesus Christ Himself. It is repenting, changing your mindset when your mind is set on its own ways. Discernment, choosing right over wrong. When flesh is at play the evil one tries to make you succumb to the desires of this world, when we let go of the desires of the world then you are truly set free. These are only two poems of my deceased brother, he took his own life while under the influence of alcohol, he has many other writings my father has yet to share with us, but it will happen. Only God Himself will judge him. As He will judge every single soul. Fear not.IMG_7636IMG_7637

 

Inupiaq

IMG_1637IMG_1695IMG_1909IMG_2272IMG_2273IMG_3380I grew up being called an Eskimo and guess what? It has never bothered me not once. This is not a derogatory term, it simply means “eater of raw meat.” I eat muktuk, which is the part of the whale skin and blubber, raw. We also eat quaq, which is thinly sliced frozen fish. We dip that in seal oil, which is seal blubber rendered into a clear oil. I am Eskimo, but I prefer Inupiaq as it is more identifiable to where I am from, Unalakleet. The sod houses on our beach date between 200 B.C. And 300 A.D. A lot of people move to Unalakleet but my mother’s side is originally from the area, unlike  a lot of families who do not originate from there. I loved growing up at fish camp, my mom would tell us oral legends and all these were passed down through the generations. One of my favorite is of the link between Orcas and Wolves. Long ago they would say when a wolf was near death they went into to ocean to transform to the killer whale, and vice versa. Mainly the point of that legend from my understanding is that a pack of wolves are so similar to a pod of orcas. We do not hunt killer whales. Our area hunts beluga whale and our family trades other Native food for bowhead whale from more up north villages. When I was growing up a fresh gallon of milk was five to seven dollars and I’m sure the price went up. It is too expensive to only rely on modern grocery stores, so we live a subsistence lifestyle. Most of my vivid nightmares, starting from a very young age, are of catastrophic events happening in the village I grew up in. I still live in Alaska but not in Unalakleet. I am Inupiaq, but we are all people and when people come together for a common cause, it’s pretty awesome. Love and be love.

 

Fish Seining Alaska Style

There were seven members in our family growing up in Unalakleet. Every summer we spent up river at our cabin. This was essential because we could not afford groceries most of the time, so we had to work very hard for our food in the summer and save most for the winter.

Our sein net was black and the holes were very close together so that the fish wouldn’t get caught by the fins or gills. My dad and one brother would work in the boat while my mom and myself along with my three other siblings would work the shore. This was the hard part because we did not have the horsepower of the boat motor to help us. My dad maneuvered the boat in reverse to let out the net slowly while we on the shore held the rope that was able to let the net out just enough to stay in the middle of the river. We had two favorite sand beaches we used. They had to be long, once the net was let out we worked with the current, not against it. We kept the pace of the boat and it didn’t take very long for the net to become heavy with live fish. My dad would bring the net in downstream of us and we were tasked to pull in the net just enough so that no fish escaped. Then the fun part began, all five kids and my parents used our hands to grab only the biggest fish and beached them. We did not keep the small fish, they needed to grow more and when we catched tubs full we let all the rest of the fish loose. It was amazing to be a part of and we got a lot of fish seining. Then the work began cutting the fish so they were able to be hung by the tail. My mom cut them perfectly and my dad was very good at washing them in the river and hanging them on a makeshift drying rack. Once all the fish were tended to we transported them to our cabin to be hung under cottonwood smoke and dried properly. Each day we had to check all the fish to make sure no bugs had laid eggs on them during the night while the smoke let down. We worked very hard during the summer but when the hard work was done we got to be free and wild in nature. It was the good life. I cut and dry the fish we catch the same way my mom has so many summers over and over again. I’ve lived a fish rich diet my whole life, except while I went through my deep depressions. I am very thankful for the unique life we grew up living, it is truly a one of a kind and I enjoy sharing stories, more so in person than writing. Never loose your uniqueness that is what makes you beautiful, to me each person is beautiful in their own way. To find beauty in all you come across, is a beautiful life, to look for fault in all you come across, is a faulty life. Stay beautiful!