My heart will be a happy heart, no matter the heartache.

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Some lessons in life are truly hard to learn. Always remember they are taught in love. It took my life to this day to realize no matter how hard I try, no matter how many times I forgive, I am not capable of helping or changing my mom. Only God is capable of that change. I pray for my mom a lot. I used the last of my airline miles to get her a ticket to come visit Duke and I. I baked her a berry buckle and cooked a nice meal of ham, mashed potatoes and corn. A special meal for my mom. I wrapped up the quilt I bought for her and made her a homemade birthday card. My heart was so excited and happy that I was going to finally have company and help with Duke. I don’t have a running vehicle so I lined up a ride for her and was going to use the last of my gas money for her to get out here. My heart and soul were crushed today. She got paid today and bought herself alcohol, she chose for herself to drink today when I told her I wouldn’t be able to change her ticket. I never knew what it meant to cut the cord, to let the birds fly the nest until today. I put too much faith in a person when all my faith should be in Jesus, and Him alone. This does not mean I stop loving my mom. It means I stop enabling her. I do forgive her so easily, but today is different. I am standing up for myself and in a sense I’m standing up for Jesus. He dwells in all those who accept Him. So I put my mom in God’s care, I refuse to talk to her when she is drinking and I continue to pray for her. A lesson of love and that is a tough lesson but I take it with grace and mercy that is given to me through Jesus Christ, Amen.

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Sewskimo Gertz

I am who I am

4 thoughts on “My heart will be a happy heart, no matter the heartache.”

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