Living a life of hurt only to hold on to hope.

I remember when I was a very young girl and the playground at the Unalakleet Schools had the big slide and a small slide along with a spider web and two hoops to the basketball court. It was winter and someone told me not to lick the metal otherwise my tongue would get stuck. I didn’t believe them so I tried it, and sure enough my tongue got stuck. After that I had a tendancy to take people for their word. I loved my classmates even if they weren’t my family, they were an every day part of my life during the week while we were in school. After we graduated that first year I was in college we lost the most beautiful classmate. She was amazing and I had very high hopes for her, she was my all star spiker in volleyball and our all star forward. She had moved to Nome to pursue her dreams and that August she was killed in Nome by a Police Officer. It was a beautiful soul taken too soon. I did not understand, I still don’t. I sent her parents a condolence card and framed an enlarged picture of my good group of friends. The next year another classmate passed away. And the next. Another the next year. Then again. And years following another classmate. It got my heart each time. I was cut down to the bone because they were all their own unique person and I always look for the best in people. For years I started to wonder if I was next. Then I started to think of the pain that brought on to their parents and thought how would I cheer them up? Though they died young, they had full beautiful lives. Any pain or inside struggles were no longer there. Death is a part of life. Each day is a gift because we are not promised tomorrow. I get in a fit, I call it daddy’s girl syndrome, if I don’t get what I want I don’t want anything. It’s a horrible frame of mind that developed and I am learning that a lot of times what I want isn’t what God had planned for me. When I follow my own way, I am led astray. When I lead myself astray, I feel no need to live another day. So I am reminded day and day not to lead myself astray. I am always a work in progress, and like I’ve stated in early posts, I’m the best example of what not to do. however, my experiences in life led to a lot of questions answered about life. The problem with my mind is it doesn’t stop asking questions. And that is ok. Every day I make the choice to give my hurt to Jesus. It took a lifetime to realize that I don’t have to live with the hurt. Neither do you. Love and be beloved.