Cabbie talk Alaska.

I had an interesting conversation with a wonderful cab driver a week ago. It was a lot about spreading hope. Duke and I took a cab from the cabin where we lived alone, with the exception of a week here or there every other month, to Palmer where we would be safe. It was $130 dollar cab but I didn’t have any options at the time. The shelter paid for $30 and that helped a lot. I didn’t know what was going on in this world with all the gun violence. I wrote last month about changing ammunition from lethal to tranquil, but the driver brought up very good points that allowed me to change my perspective. He said if a person wants to kill, it doesn’t matter the method, he will find a way to kill. From fertilizer to a bullet, he will find a way. It isn’t changing the dynamics of the situation, it is changing the hearts of the people of this world. When our hearts change, the mind changes. There is only hope through Jesus, that we both agreed. Where there is a will, there is a way. There will always be hope. Hope will endure the ages because Jesus will endure forever and ever amen.

Remember when.

I was a very young girl when I saw the first and only RV in Unalakleet. It was next to one of my favorite aunts house. I went inside it once, it was run down, but I imagined what it would have looked like in its prime. It was more of a play RV we made mud pies near.

There was an old garage next to the old house I grew up in. I would watch a robin every summer make her nest in there, the very spot the only hotel is now located. Our neighbor Patricia was so very nice to me. I got to be the baby in the wheel barrel and be pushed around. She had a clubhouse we would play Mickey Mouse clubhouse in. There was a time we made a cardboard with a hole in the middle and sang the same song on the show and popped our heads through the hole and said our names. We tried some of the bizarre snacks they invented on the show as well. She let me play with her amazing Barbi house a few times in her bedroom, this one had the elevator and it was spectacular.

Our parents bought the sugar cubes for their coffee once, I would eat them like they were candy and convinced my neighbor that they were candy and shared sugar cubes.

I made up a game at the playground called Devils Ditch, you had to swing past a person in the ditch and not get pulled down. It was meant to teach kids how to try to avoid traps and that no matter how bad things may seem they will always get better. It’s so fun to remember all the cherished memories I have, there are so many it would take a lifetime.

Some of my favorite memories are of visiting my Papa Johns. He had saved so many beautiful knick knacks from my Great Grandma Gertie. I loved to simply look at them and the picture of the praying man on his wall. I would imagine another picture of an elderly woman praying as well and in college I had the same print and it came with the woman praying too. I loved looking at his doves and listening to them coo. His telephone was a rotisserie brown phone and I was sure to use it to call home because I loved how it spun back and thought it was amazing. When I graduated at my eighth grade promotion he gave me a JR Bible, I passed that on to my boys and soon Duke will be able to call it his own as well.

I remember when my dad was building our boat in his brothers shop. I got in trouble for watching him weld because the arc is dangerous for the eyes. I ended up being the best fire watch on the boat I worked on during shipyard. I stopped the boat from burning down. They were cutting lines in the factory and Hung Lee cut the wrong pipe, it blew a flame out of it and was going to start a boat fire. I heard “liar, liar” but they were saying fire fire! I was swift and on my feet running to the area of the screams and during my sprint already had the extinguisher pin pulled and ready to go, I was on the wrong side of the machine so I threw the extinguisher to hung lee who was standing there and he extinguished the blaze.

Point of my memories? They are cool and fun to share! Have a nice day!

A leap of faith.

Last night was my first time in a woman’s shelter. The staff and the women treated Duke and I with respect and dignity. I got all the necessary paperwork I needed to file for child support and much needed assistance. I’ve always refused help my whole life or usually took the hard route rather than receiving help. My perspective has changed drastically in 24 hours. I am grateful for help. I am thankful for God to have paved a way in my most dire moment in life.

In less than 24 hours we have our own home now. I am beyond excited and beyond ecstatic for our new life back in civilization! Living in isolation and oppression lifted a veil and because of my faith and putting my hope in Jesus my life is on a far better path. Instead of being in the depths of despair and oppression we are truly free at last. I want to shout free at last free at last thank God we are free at last.

If you kept Duke and I in your prayers we are truly appreciative! God will only continue to work wonders in our lives and I pray yours as well. Never loose faith, never loose hope and never loose your smile!

Sneak peek! And snow!

A mock up of the first Children’s Book that I will publish, the only suggestion I had was that both names need to be the same size! This is an exciting transition in my life. From the Ashes a new woman emerges and I will only continue to strive to be the best mom I can be! Peace be with you! I am so excited to be collaborating with my good friend and classmate! I hope this is the first in a series of books I have already written!

RedDragonflyJPG2IMG_8031IMG_8045IMG_8047

Emotional Abuse is abuse.. get out!

I decided for myself to no longer be with an emotionally abusive person. I was made to believe that I was the one doing the abuse when, in fact, my behavior is a cry for help. I was told if I broke up with my boyfriend that “he would kill himself.” That statement alone is an abusers way of keeping a vulnerable person at bay. I have been seeking self help regiments to better my quality of life, for myself. This could only do so much. I have money saved up to leave, but no running vehicle to do so. He did hit me once this past year, he said it was unintentional and that he woke up from a sleep and it was instinct. When someone uses their financial advantage against say, a stay at home Mom, such as myself, that is abuse. I was willing to leave the first time he hit me. He was the first man in my life to lay hands on me. I don’t stand for any type of abuse, I never have. Granted I did make my own mistakes in this relationship I should not be forced to live in shame for the rest of my life, that is why I admitted to my mistakes, so I would no longer be ashamed. Living in my own shame almost led to suicide, something I’ve been against my whole life. I only ask for prayers for this endeavor of leaving an abusive partner. I believe in the power of prayer and the first step is leaving the situation. I have until the next week to leave, where there is a will there is a way and I pray for God to provide a way. Amen.